Happy Holidays...

I hope eveyone has a great holiday season. There is no better time to enjoy spending time with your family and friends. I love my family and friends!

Happy Holidays!

Apey

Thanks and giving

This year Thanksgiving was very sweet, even without the pie. Last year, Thanksgiving was at my dads. I had been sick for 3 months previous and then spent the entire day in his bedroom not feeling well. Although, the next day I didn't miss out on shopping. I never miss a year of Black Friday shopping with Emy. Carla was there to help keep me alive with McDonald's sausage burritos with hot sauce. I had the strangest food cravings.

To make a long story short, kind of. We didn't have an answer to my illness until the middle of December. I had cancer, Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma to be exact. The last year was difficult for us but we were blessed. I have a lot of family and friends to THANK for GIVING me help along the way. Without them life would not have been bearable.

After finishing chemo in June I have been in remission for almost six months. My health has been progressing and I am getting back to normal. There are still challenges but I am very THANKFUL to be alive. THANKS again for GIVING me the love and support I needed. I am very fortunate to have such special people in my life.

Apey

Halloween Party

We love our annual halloween party given by Papa and Mums. We have a great time. Here are a few pictures of our fun!

Fall

School has started, the weather is colder and we all have colds so FALL is officially here.
Summer is my favorite time of year, most think it's too hot but for me it's pretty perfect. Don't get me wrong Fall is beautiful with the leaves changing into reds, yellows and oranges and especially the PUMPKIN PIE. All the seasons bring something new but I love Spring and Summer colors best.

I had the opportunity to walk with my family this last Friday for the "Light the Night Walk" which raises money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma society. Our family raised over $600 which is really impressive for a bunch of poor people. Thanks to all those who donated. I received a special "Survivor" t-shirt, I was very excited to be one of the many survivors in attendance.

The last year has been a trial but I feel we have pulled through pretty well. Previously, I never had the opportunity to really volunteer at Kira's school. This year with no work and no major health issues I am able to actually be a Room Mom for Kira's class and volunteer weekly in Maci's class. I look forward to both with great anticipation. I am grateful to Ben and what he does for us so that I am able to be apart of the girls lives all day everyday.

We are a very lucky family and have a great time enjoying everyday we have.

Happy Fall everyone!

April

Summertime

The girls have had many sleepovers with Emy. She has become quite the photographer along with my niece Amber. Here are a few shots Emy has taken of Kira and Maci. I always love pictures of my girlies. Life has been sweet lately and the sun is shining what else could I ask for?

Nada

Happy Father's Day

Happy Fathers Day Ben. You are a wonderful dad to the girlies and a great husband. We could not ask for a better guy to take care of us. We love you soooo much!

Happy Fathers Day to Papa. We are so happy you can see what kind of Jelly Bean you are eating now. Love ya tons!

Finito

I am finito with chemo. That is all I have to say today. I'm going out to play.

Thanks for everything all and I love you.

Apey


Italian translation:
finito (significato generale) / finished (ended)

My Baby is 5...

Maci turned 5 years old. I can't believe it.

Love you Maci Dawn. Your such a monkey.

Memorial Weekend

I have a lot to be thank for this Memorial Holiday. I am officially in remission and I'm on the right track to getting better.

I happen to have a great family. Family has taken care of me in one way or another for the last 9 months. Everyone has pitched in when and where they can.

There is one person who has been here for four months, putting her life on hold for us. We could not have managed without Leigh and her support. Leigh quit grad school to come take care of all of us. I can't thank her enough. She has taken over as mother, cook, teacher, tutor and maid.

I originally thought I could take care of everything during chemo. Now I know that without the daily help of Leigh I would have failed miserably. I thought I was strong but to my dismay I am really not that strong. The only thing I had strength for was to survive.

This Memorial weekend is going to be bittersweet with Leigh leaving but also for us to start new. We could have not ever managed without Leigh. We will miss her terribly.

Thank you my dear.

Apey

Passport

I needed to get a passport picture for a trip in August. I have been dreading getting the picture since I do not have hair, eyebrows or eyelashes. I put it off for months, since I will have the passport picture for 10 years. That is a long time to have a crappy picture of yourself.

My parents gave me one of the best birthday presents ever. Tickets to see THE EAGLES, one of my all time favorite bands. I didn't want to go looking like a chemo dork, so I asked for a little help. I needed to practice getting "dressed up" before the actual concert. Leigh put on fake eyelashes, Debbie did makeup and I styled the wig.

Since I actually felt somewhat normal, Leigh talked me into going to get my passport picture. Debbie took Kira and I down to Walgreen's to have the picture taken. I checked the wig a hundred times and messed with it a hundred more. It felt weird to have hair on my head again.

Someone took my picture and I couldn't believe it. It was the best picture I have had taken of me in a long time. I'm not photogenic and it takes fifty shots to get a good one. I had them put the picture on a disc so I could post a decent picture of me on the Internet. Above is the result of the passport picture and I am actually pretty happy with it.

I am excited to get all "dressed up" again Saturday for the concert. It will be nice for Ben to have a girl to go out with instead of a chemo head. He says I'm cute bald but it might be fun for him to go out with the passport girl for a change.

Responding

Awesome news on the home front. I AM RESPONDING TO TREATMENT! Wahoo...

We are excited to possibly see an end in sight. Two more chemos to go (we hope) just for good measure.

Keep up the good thoughts its working. Wahoo!

Love Apey

Happy Birthday Kira!

Kira is 10!

She got her ears pierced along with tons of presents!

The Big One!

OK, so I didn't want to celebrate a monumental birthday this year. At least not yet. Today is my 40th birthday and so far it has not been the best of years. I wanted to celebrate my birthday this summer when I am all finished with chemo. That way I can celebrate both, the big 40 and cancer free (we are hoping).

My family had other ideas. Emily came down to take me to chemo. Leigh and Maci made and brought awesome brownies for all the chemo patients. My dad and mums came down to spend the day. Bens parents and Charlynny came to see me. Ben took Kira out of school early (she was so excited) to visit. Even my friend Julie who is going through chemo too came on her non-chemo day. I received 3 vases of flowers, 2 sets of balloons, some sweet presents and lots of love.
Ben also took me to eat at the Training Table. When I was working, my lunch tradition was always Training Table. I haven't been in 3 years. It was great, I missed it.

After dinner Ben took me to get a new phone. I lost a very nice new phone at the hospital in January before chemo. It wasn't turned in so we canceled the phone. Someone found it and downloaded tons of music until Verizon stopped it a month later. So now someone has a nice music player with no phone capabilities. I activated my old phone and it finally died today. I ended up getting a great deal on a new phone. Hopefully I won't lose this one.

Then Ben took me to Chili's for take out. One of the best desserts on the planet is Molten Lava Cake. To my surprise he bought 3 cakes. We took them home to celebrate with the girls and Leigh. I opened my other presents and tucked the girls into bed. What could be better?

I had such a good day with people I love and cherish. The only thing I need to celebrate now is finishing chemo.

I am a very lucky girl, YES I'M STILL A GIRL. I have a wonderful husband, girls and family. I could not ask for more, except for one little thing. Give me more time...

Cup of Happy

I recently read an interesting phrase in "Cross" by James Patterson. "Here's a cup of sadness, and here's a cup of joy, which do you choose?"

I changed the phrase a little. I choose the Cup of Happy. I am usually a half empty glass kind of person. Although I love to laugh. I plan for the worst, then I am pleasantly surprised if I'm wrong.

I love the idea of Cup of Happy. It gives me the courage to relax even when there are circumstances I can't control. That is a very hard thing for me to do when I have tried to control everything. I used to be such a black and white person no gray area. Now I swim in the gray area. I would love to move from the gray area into a yellow area. Thus my conscientious choice of Cup of Happy!

I know there will be days when I drift toward the sadness cup but now I'm trying to choose the Cup of Happy.

So which do you choose cup of sadness or Cup of Happy?

Mrs. Teller's talented 4th grade class

Yesterday Ben, Kira, Avery, Maci & I went to Lees Market in North Ogden for Green Acres Elementary 4th grade "Recorder Recital". Kira is in the third row, first on the right side in a brown coat next to Miss Averie. The entire 4th grade played 5 songs and they did a very good job.

I got a huge surprise today. Kira brought home this amazing poster from Mrs. Teller's entire 4th grade class. Mrs. Teller has been so supportive during the last few months. She keeps me informed on Kira's well being during school. Mrs. Teller is a wonderful teacher and we are so grateful that Kira has an excellent example everyday.

Here is the fine print. THANKS TO MRS. TELLER'S 4th GRADE CLASS! YOU ARE AWESOME KIDS AND HAVE AN INCREDIBLE TEACHER.

March Madness

March is a time for madness, basketball madness. I am feeling a little madness of my own, I'm starting to feel cooped up. I try to get out of the house and help Leigh more but obviously not enough. I have been to more movies in the last 3 weeks than in 6 months. I get tired easy and try not to over do it. I am very fortunate the chemo doesn't make me sick to my stomach. The day after chemo I get a shot called Nuelasta which makes my bones ache. I get other weird side effects but nothing that is debilitating just irritating.

Somewhere in my head though things are not moving fast enough. Ben says I have chemo brain which makes me somewhat slow witted. My brain doesn't react to things normally, my knee jerk reactions are not what they used to be. In some cases that is good, as in my short temperament but not so good with my overall functions. I guess a little madness is expected when chemo is a supplement to my diet.

Hopefully, the next few weeks the sun will start to warm things up. I look forward to its warmth since I can not seem to stay warm anymore. I also need to tan my bald head. I have not ever seen my skin so white!

Thanks again to everyone and your warm wishes, I need all the warmth I can get right now.

Love Apey

Spring Forward

I have decided that it's time to "Spring Forward". I know its not for another month or so but I am thinking positive. Spring is a nice time of year when rain melts the snow, the sun starts to peek through the clouds, trees start to bud and flowers start to bloom. How positive is that!

I have had two chemo treatments and can't wait for the other six to be a distant memory, hence the "Spring Forward". At my last chemo treatment my oncologist gave me some good news. The tumor has shrunk from the first chemo to the second. So, I think "Springing Forward" with a positive attitude is appropriate.

I have lost 90% of my hair which is a downer, especially for the girls. They ask me to wear a hat most of the time, which is totally understandable from a kids perspective. Ben and the girls have been the best through all of this. I couldn't survive without each of them and their unique way to make me laugh.

Ben, the girls and I have been very fortunate to have a great family and friends for support during the last several months. I will continue to think positive as the weather slowly gets warmer which always brightens my day. Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers, we are grateful.

Long Hair, Short Hair, No Hair

The chemotherapy regime I am on will make me go bald, soon. Instead of waiting for it to fall out in patches I decided to cut it short. I called my fabulous hair guru Joan (my cousin) and asked her to chop off my unyielding curly hair. Nervous could not explain how I felt. The breakdown I expected never happened during the hair cut. Joan cut it exactly how I asked, short really short. Joan did a great job.

Kira was apprehensive to see me but she finally got the courage. Maci said, "Mom, I'm not scared of you with short hair." Ben said, "I looked good." The rest of my family all gave rave reviews to my suspect.

Late that night guess what happened? "THE BREAKDOWN" When I saw myself in the mirror I lost it. Ben was very comforting and sweet, but when I look in the mirror I see a different person. I don't know who that person is. In a week, when I'm bald I will have to adjust to that person too.

I look forward to the day when I can look at myself and see someone I know. Hopefully she's someone who's kicked this nasty lymphoma.

P.S., I have no intention of posting pictures of my new hair cut or soon to come baldness. (I'm camera shy)

1 Down 7 to Go

Today was my first chemo treatment. It was very interesting, I really didn't know what to expect. The actual chemo treatments are not too uncomfortable, its supposed to all happen the 3 weeks following, First, a nurse gives you medsto stop nausea and any allergic reactions from the chemo. Then a nurse loads you up one chemo drug after another, after 8 hours I am finally done. My chemo treatments upcoming should only last 6 hours at a time. The first time you have chemo they slow the process to make sure there are no major allergic reactions or problems.

It actually went faster than I thought. The patients, staff and family members are so friendly and nice. It feels like a IM a/s/l thing except n/c/d (name/cancer/when were you diagnosed.)
I got to know a lot of people in a very short time. I think my treatments will go a lot faster being able to talk to people each time.

I got some good and bad news today. My bone marrow came back normal (Wahoo) but my pet scan came back with all lymph nodes from my neck to my pelvis are cancerous. It doesn't change my chemo treatments other now I have to take a pill so I don't get Gout. Gout is a strange word to me, it reminds me of having some fishy scaly legs. I know that's not real but every time I hear the word GOUT I can't stop thinking of it.

Now, I have 7 more to go. I'm feeling good right now, so I'm optimistic for the future. There is one thing though, I am still in denial about all of this. I keep my emotions in check for now. I know I will break down one day but for now it's all about positive thinking.

I will keep posting and I wish everyone a very Happy New year.