Long Hair, Short Hair, No Hair

The chemotherapy regime I am on will make me go bald, soon. Instead of waiting for it to fall out in patches I decided to cut it short. I called my fabulous hair guru Joan (my cousin) and asked her to chop off my unyielding curly hair. Nervous could not explain how I felt. The breakdown I expected never happened during the hair cut. Joan cut it exactly how I asked, short really short. Joan did a great job.

Kira was apprehensive to see me but she finally got the courage. Maci said, "Mom, I'm not scared of you with short hair." Ben said, "I looked good." The rest of my family all gave rave reviews to my suspect.

Late that night guess what happened? "THE BREAKDOWN" When I saw myself in the mirror I lost it. Ben was very comforting and sweet, but when I look in the mirror I see a different person. I don't know who that person is. In a week, when I'm bald I will have to adjust to that person too.

I look forward to the day when I can look at myself and see someone I know. Hopefully she's someone who's kicked this nasty lymphoma.

P.S., I have no intention of posting pictures of my new hair cut or soon to come baldness. (I'm camera shy)

1 Down 7 to Go

Today was my first chemo treatment. It was very interesting, I really didn't know what to expect. The actual chemo treatments are not too uncomfortable, its supposed to all happen the 3 weeks following, First, a nurse gives you medsto stop nausea and any allergic reactions from the chemo. Then a nurse loads you up one chemo drug after another, after 8 hours I am finally done. My chemo treatments upcoming should only last 6 hours at a time. The first time you have chemo they slow the process to make sure there are no major allergic reactions or problems.

It actually went faster than I thought. The patients, staff and family members are so friendly and nice. It feels like a IM a/s/l thing except n/c/d (name/cancer/when were you diagnosed.)
I got to know a lot of people in a very short time. I think my treatments will go a lot faster being able to talk to people each time.

I got some good and bad news today. My bone marrow came back normal (Wahoo) but my pet scan came back with all lymph nodes from my neck to my pelvis are cancerous. It doesn't change my chemo treatments other now I have to take a pill so I don't get Gout. Gout is a strange word to me, it reminds me of having some fishy scaly legs. I know that's not real but every time I hear the word GOUT I can't stop thinking of it.

Now, I have 7 more to go. I'm feeling good right now, so I'm optimistic for the future. There is one thing though, I am still in denial about all of this. I keep my emotions in check for now. I know I will break down one day but for now it's all about positive thinking.

I will keep posting and I wish everyone a very Happy New year.