My Baby is 5...

Maci turned 5 years old. I can't believe it.

Love you Maci Dawn. Your such a monkey.

Memorial Weekend

I have a lot to be thank for this Memorial Holiday. I am officially in remission and I'm on the right track to getting better.

I happen to have a great family. Family has taken care of me in one way or another for the last 9 months. Everyone has pitched in when and where they can.

There is one person who has been here for four months, putting her life on hold for us. We could not have managed without Leigh and her support. Leigh quit grad school to come take care of all of us. I can't thank her enough. She has taken over as mother, cook, teacher, tutor and maid.

I originally thought I could take care of everything during chemo. Now I know that without the daily help of Leigh I would have failed miserably. I thought I was strong but to my dismay I am really not that strong. The only thing I had strength for was to survive.

This Memorial weekend is going to be bittersweet with Leigh leaving but also for us to start new. We could have not ever managed without Leigh. We will miss her terribly.

Thank you my dear.

Apey

Passport

I needed to get a passport picture for a trip in August. I have been dreading getting the picture since I do not have hair, eyebrows or eyelashes. I put it off for months, since I will have the passport picture for 10 years. That is a long time to have a crappy picture of yourself.

My parents gave me one of the best birthday presents ever. Tickets to see THE EAGLES, one of my all time favorite bands. I didn't want to go looking like a chemo dork, so I asked for a little help. I needed to practice getting "dressed up" before the actual concert. Leigh put on fake eyelashes, Debbie did makeup and I styled the wig.

Since I actually felt somewhat normal, Leigh talked me into going to get my passport picture. Debbie took Kira and I down to Walgreen's to have the picture taken. I checked the wig a hundred times and messed with it a hundred more. It felt weird to have hair on my head again.

Someone took my picture and I couldn't believe it. It was the best picture I have had taken of me in a long time. I'm not photogenic and it takes fifty shots to get a good one. I had them put the picture on a disc so I could post a decent picture of me on the Internet. Above is the result of the passport picture and I am actually pretty happy with it.

I am excited to get all "dressed up" again Saturday for the concert. It will be nice for Ben to have a girl to go out with instead of a chemo head. He says I'm cute bald but it might be fun for him to go out with the passport girl for a change.

Responding

Awesome news on the home front. I AM RESPONDING TO TREATMENT! Wahoo...

We are excited to possibly see an end in sight. Two more chemos to go (we hope) just for good measure.

Keep up the good thoughts its working. Wahoo!

Love Apey

Happy Birthday Kira!

Kira is 10!

She got her ears pierced along with tons of presents!

The Big One!

OK, so I didn't want to celebrate a monumental birthday this year. At least not yet. Today is my 40th birthday and so far it has not been the best of years. I wanted to celebrate my birthday this summer when I am all finished with chemo. That way I can celebrate both, the big 40 and cancer free (we are hoping).

My family had other ideas. Emily came down to take me to chemo. Leigh and Maci made and brought awesome brownies for all the chemo patients. My dad and mums came down to spend the day. Bens parents and Charlynny came to see me. Ben took Kira out of school early (she was so excited) to visit. Even my friend Julie who is going through chemo too came on her non-chemo day. I received 3 vases of flowers, 2 sets of balloons, some sweet presents and lots of love.
Ben also took me to eat at the Training Table. When I was working, my lunch tradition was always Training Table. I haven't been in 3 years. It was great, I missed it.

After dinner Ben took me to get a new phone. I lost a very nice new phone at the hospital in January before chemo. It wasn't turned in so we canceled the phone. Someone found it and downloaded tons of music until Verizon stopped it a month later. So now someone has a nice music player with no phone capabilities. I activated my old phone and it finally died today. I ended up getting a great deal on a new phone. Hopefully I won't lose this one.

Then Ben took me to Chili's for take out. One of the best desserts on the planet is Molten Lava Cake. To my surprise he bought 3 cakes. We took them home to celebrate with the girls and Leigh. I opened my other presents and tucked the girls into bed. What could be better?

I had such a good day with people I love and cherish. The only thing I need to celebrate now is finishing chemo.

I am a very lucky girl, YES I'M STILL A GIRL. I have a wonderful husband, girls and family. I could not ask for more, except for one little thing. Give me more time...

Cup of Happy

I recently read an interesting phrase in "Cross" by James Patterson. "Here's a cup of sadness, and here's a cup of joy, which do you choose?"

I changed the phrase a little. I choose the Cup of Happy. I am usually a half empty glass kind of person. Although I love to laugh. I plan for the worst, then I am pleasantly surprised if I'm wrong.

I love the idea of Cup of Happy. It gives me the courage to relax even when there are circumstances I can't control. That is a very hard thing for me to do when I have tried to control everything. I used to be such a black and white person no gray area. Now I swim in the gray area. I would love to move from the gray area into a yellow area. Thus my conscientious choice of Cup of Happy!

I know there will be days when I drift toward the sadness cup but now I'm trying to choose the Cup of Happy.

So which do you choose cup of sadness or Cup of Happy?